I’ve seen a dozen versions of this around the internet for well over a decade, so I have no idea of the original source. This is the one I saw first, though, and the final line has become a family saying. Yes, I have a weird family, but you knew that already.
Best Ever Rum Cake
Time 40 minutes
1 tsp sugar
1 cup of dried fruit
1 tsp of baking soda
2 eggs, large
1 or 2 quarts of rum
1 cup of butter
Before starting, sample the rum to check the quality. Good, isn’t it?
Now proceed. Select large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc.
Check rum again. It must be just right.
To be sure rum is of proper quality, pour one level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can.
With electric mixer, beat one cup of butter ina a large fluffly bowl. Add one teaspoon of thugar and beat again.
Meanwhile, make sure rum is alright. Try another cup. Open second quart if necessary.
Add eggs, 2 cups fried druit and cheat til high. If druit gets stuck in beaters, pry loose with drewscriber.
Sample rum again, checking for tonscistitcity.
Nest, sift 3 cups of pepper or salt. (really doesn’t matter.) Sample rum.
Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts.
Add 1 bablespoon of brown thugar or whatever color you can find.
Grease oven, turn the cake 360 degrees, pour mess in oven and bake.
Check rum again and bo to ged.